She regretted her silence.
She regretted not putting up a fight.
She regretted blankly staring
into the off-white frame holding
one of the happiest moments of her life...
While he was giving her one of her worst.
Tag: Me
One Hour
In sixty minutes the sharp cascade
of volatile thoughts will cease
and I'll no longer be gagging
on the anger trapped
in the back of my throat.
My illogical rage cannot be challenged
with basic breathing techniques
and mundane meditative counting.
My only remedy is time.
So give me one hour...
Sixty minutes...
3600 fucking seconds...
And then I'll be okay.
Nostalgia
I am nostalgic for that day,
even though it never existed.
In reality we were never there.
We never walked down that street under fluorescent lights. We never sat surrounded by bushes on that wrought iron bench.
Your hands never felt mine, our bodies never touched, and our eyes never did meet.
That day...
Those moments...
All those memories are fictitious.
Yet somehow, someway,
I still remain able to miss it.
Strangers
We met as strangers,
but once we learned
each other's names
the rest quickly followed.
All of our likes and dislikes...
the things that made us tick...
our dreams, our strengths,
our pasts, our pains...
We grew together,
but then we fell apart.
Now we will leave one another
the same way we once met.
Midnight
At midnight her slippers
did more than disappear.
The fantasized facade fell away
and the eggshells she'd been walking on
returned directly under her feet.
She moved on reluctantly.
The hands of the clock
restarting more than what
they had ended.
Burden
She didn't want to go,
but she knew she couldn't stay.
How could she remain in a place
where her love had become
such an awful burden?
Sweatshirt
Memories linger between
the threads of my sweatshirt.
Glimpses of lilac-clothed moments
retained within the stitches of
a cotton-polyester blend.
Simple fabric now consoling me
from my mind's wanderings to you.
Straws
I am desperate,
grasping at straws.
Feverishly I reach,
clawing into the acrid air
attempting to salvage
anything I can.
Yet I come back empty.
My hands holding hard
onto absolutely nothing.
Wrong
I don't want to admit it... But I was wrong. I was wrong to think I could remain emotionless... I was wrong to think I could keep my feelings completely buried and secure. I was wrong to believe that I would be able to feel absolutely nothing.
Giver
I give too much away. Let it be my time, my money, my affection.... myself... I'm a giver. I give the people I love everything I can. However, for me it's more than just being humble or extremely caring... I literally have no reservations or restrictions... with anything. Which isn't great. Even after everything in my past relationships, part of me still somehow thinks that if I give someone everything they could ever want they will never abandon me. But shit... no amount of presents, money, or baked goods will keep someone close to me. It's not like I simply rely on gifts to keep people around though. The gifts I give are just a way I try to show my love or to care for someone. Besides relentless gift giving, the other problem is that if you are someone I love I will drop everything in my own life to help you or be with you. But then I end up losing myself while trying to prevent being hurt or abandoned. Which I know is not okay. Yet I still continue to lose people regardless of anything I do and I eventually get burnt. Then I'm left regretting everything I gave up trying to make another person happier than I ever try to make myself. Most of the time it's just life. People move on, they grow apart, lifestyles change... but sometimes I know I'm just too much for people. I have a big personality and I know I can be overwhelming at times... But for those few who have stayed with me for all these years... they have it fucking made. I am a great friend and go above and beyond for those in my life. No questions asked. But yes... I do still need to continue working on healthy relationships and boundaries. I need to be able to feel secure in my relationships without feeling like I'm required to give everything to motivate them to stay. I shouldn't subconsciously be feeling like I need to almost pay to keep people around. That's called fear degrading my worth. I'm better than that... and quite frankly I deserve more than that. I'll work on it. *Working on it. -Hal
AO Poetry 
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