My agony feels like a red-hot and ragged blade stabbing into my sternum. It twists and digs its' way deeper into the pit of my stomach as my breaths become sharp and uneven. My lungs struggle, burning with each painful gasp. Making me fight for the air I don't even want to breathe...
Tag: #Mildamountsofdepression
Inevitable
The feelings are inevitable coming quickly and without cause, destroying my self-worth while focusing on my flaws. The emptiness remains as they sabotage and consume, disintegrating my happiness so my despair can be exhumed.
Existential
Sometimes I feel like I’m just not supposed to be here.
I’ll be honest, I’m not entirely sure if my idea of ‘here’ means this lifetime, world, or body… but at times I just feel so disconnected from my own reality. I can’t seem to figure out exactly who I am or where I want to be, but somehow know that my life is screaming mediocracy.
Part of me believes that I could be living some exceptional life if I was anywhere else. Like if I had just played my cards right… if I had followed my dreams… maybe I could have been extraordinary. It’s like I’ve personally somehow robbed myself of having a more desirable, purposeful identity. I mean don’t get me wrong… I’m grateful for everything I have in my life… but the part of me having an existential crisis right now is also pissed that it all feels so meaningless. I sit here alive and thriving, yet still considering myself a pile of confused nothingness. Meh.
So… yeah… that about wraps up my rant about my existence possibly being a mistake. Thanks for taking the time to read my dissociative thoughts. 🖤
-Hal
AO Poetry 