And here I am…
Walking down
this familiar cement sidewalk.
Recognizing the
same forbidden pathway.
Following all
the same cracks in the pavement.
Hoping that
they still somehow lead me back to you…
Tag: fucked
Erased
Sometimes I wish I could
wipe away my memories of you.
Like writings on a chalkboard.
Leaving nothing behind but
fine white dust
and faded broken outlines.
But I know that even if my mind
could somehow be erased…
I’d still remember
every part of your face.
Declared
How did it feel
when your mind left your body…
and you were declared dead.
Those stunning green eyes
once filled with life…
now hidden by those
black, fixed pupils.
Your every orifice
now holds tubes…
only to preserve
what’s left of you.
But not for you.
For someone deserving
of life…
or perhaps a second chance.
Now we sit here…
listening to these constant,
sharp, monitoring beeps…
my paperwork completed.
Soon the harvesters will take you
for your last salvageable parts…
like crops in a sterile field.
Brain-dead… yet still very much alive.
So was it worth it?
That one last fucking high?
Boxed
I feel like we all try
to fit ourselves inside of a box.
A simple, square, basic box.
A box where we fit,
try to fit,
or pretend to fit…
But anyway we look at it
it’s still a fucking box.
So are we supposed to stay
inside the box we wind up in?
Or do we work our hardest
to get out of it?
Caught
It was a
web of lies
so intricately
spun…
I couldn’t
tell where it
ended…
Or how it
had even
begun.
Acceptance
I’m left
with regret,
and I’m left
with remorse…
But no apology
will matter,
until acceptance
runs it’s course…
Fleeing
I am always
looking for
the broken ones…
The ones
who are
like me.
But who am I
to fix their
problems…
When my own
I try to
flee.
This Week…
Tonight doesn’t feel like a poetry kind of night…
It feels like a thinking/venting night and fuck… have I been thinking and wanting to vent it out. This week… lord has it been a week. Honestly… it’s been a beautiful disaster of a seven day stretch and I feel as if I’ve somehow done a year’s worth of learning/growing.
First, I lost my best friend (and that basically shattered me). Second, my biggest/worst fucking secret in the world, which I held precariously for years, came to light (and that turned my shatters into dust). Third, the secret ended up not being a secret like I thought (and then complete confusion consumed my said dust particles). Fourth… I learned not to tell my secrets to anyone besides my fucking cats (who don’t know more than ten words of fucking English anyways).
So I’ll break it down into a cute little list of things I learned and discovered this week:
- Sometimes I have to be strong for just myself (not others).
- What is meant to be is what is meant to be (good or not).
- I cannot change the past (no matter how hard I think I can).
- Time machines are not a fucking real thing (thanks Google for the unrealistic blueprints).
- Secrets always come out (no matter what you do to hide the trails).
- Don’t drink alcohol and tell those secrets (then those secrets are then just general information).
- Don’t get a low blood sugar at work from skipping meals (you will get sick at work, look really dumb, and have eight co-worker nurses stabbing you with needles).
- I really really really miss my best friend (A LOT).
- My cats are the most adorable things on the planet (besides otters… I really love otters).
- I’m going to grow up and be a recluse cat lady (95% likely).
All in all, it’s been a depressing yet gratifying week. Although, I would have appreciated all these events to be in separate weeks… but maybe next time.
Cheers!!!
P.S. Thank you everyone for keeping me going this week with all the positive comments and love. It means more than you can imagine. ❤ Hal
Awakening
I was out on the dock Of the lake one dark night. I thought I was alone But you just weren't in my sight. With your hand around my neck You swiftly struck out my light. Then you tied the rope To the cinder block so tight. And I sank. And I drowned. And I lost all hope... But then the rope... It fucking broke. I fought to the surface Pain with every stroke. Leaving behind all the hopelessness That you had evoked. I reached the cool air Now gasping as I choked. I knew I had made it From you and your rope.
Gone
I'm losing control of everything around me, and only I am to blame. All I've ever known is changing, and I just want it to stay the same. I'm now slipping through the cracks, of a floor I thought was so strong. I'm holding on to everything around me, knowing it'll be gone before too long.
AO Poetry 
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