Friendships…

So… I have always put in way too much of an effort to keep a dead or fading relationship going. Over the years I’ve had quite a few friendships become one sided (where I slowly become the only one making any effort to make plans or communicate). Up until about a year ago I would do anything to keep someone in my life, but now I feel the complete opposite.

I’m at the point in my life that when I notice a relationship start to become dependent on me keeping it alive… I’m just over it. I refuse to beg to be a part of someone’s life or future (no matter the amount of great memories we’ve shared in the past). I get that people and situations change (I’m not ignorant), but if I’ve ever meant as much to someone as they’ve told me I do, I wouldn’t be the only one repeatedly trying to salvage friendships (especially friendships that have no apparent reason to be preserved besides my own personal nostalgias). My self worth and time is simply more important than that.

History is called history for a reason right?

I definitely have made my own mistakes in friendships and I am nowhere near a perfect friend, but I do deserve relationships that have an equal amount of effort being put into it. So if someone doesn’t want to put in any effort or is putting in the most minimal effort… I’m peacing. I have one life and I’m not wasting it trying to keep others around.

If I could give anyone reading this advice… Do not waste your precious time keeping relationships alive if you’re the only one trying. Just fucking leave. (Gracefully though, don’t be an asshole about it).

We all deserve to be in that Myspace top ten. 🫡

-Hal

Btw… I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. Every day we should be telling people we love them.

Happy Valentine’s Day though 😊🖤

This Week…

Tonight doesn’t feel like a poetry kind of night…

It feels like a thinking/venting night and fuck… have I been thinking and wanting to vent it out. This week… lord has it been a week. Honestly… it’s been a beautiful disaster of a seven day stretch and I feel as if I’ve somehow done a year’s worth of learning/growing.

First, I lost my best friend (and that basically shattered me). Second, my biggest/worst fucking secret in the world, which I held precariously for years, came to light (and that turned my shatters into dust). Third, the secret ended up not being a secret like I thought (and then complete confusion consumed my said dust particles). Fourth… I learned not to tell my secrets to anyone besides my fucking cats (who don’t know more than ten words of fucking English anyways).

So I’ll break it down into a cute little list of things I learned and discovered this week:

  • Sometimes I have to be strong for just myself (not others).
  • What is meant to be is what is meant to be (good or not).
  • I cannot change the past (no matter how hard I think I can).
  • Time machines are not a fucking real thing (thanks Google for the unrealistic blueprints).
  • Secrets always come out (no matter what you do to hide the trails).
  • Don’t drink alcohol and tell those secrets (then those secrets are then just general information).
  • Don’t get a low blood sugar at work from skipping meals (you will get sick at work, look really dumb, and have eight co-worker nurses stabbing you with needles).
  • I really really really miss my best friend (A LOT).
  • My cats are the most adorable things on the planet (besides otters… I really love otters).
  • I’m going to grow up and be a recluse cat lady (95% likely).

All in all, it’s been a depressing yet gratifying week. Although, I would have appreciated all these events to be in separate weeks… but maybe next time.

Cheers!!!

P.S. Thank you everyone for keeping me going this week with all the positive comments and love. It means more than you can imagine. ❤ Hal