Author: Ash Ochoa Poetry

You'll figure it out.

Personal Reminder

So I’ve been off of work for the last month recovering from a surgery and damn… it’s been a good reset. I usually work nightshift and was able to see the sun daily and actually be productive in my home life. I also was able to visit and spend time with the people in my life that I love dearly.

In all honesty I’ve been pretty shitty with making an effort to see people in person the last year. I apparently have developed some anxiety with breaking my schedule/routines and leaving the house in general. I used to be more social, but especially since COVID I’ve found reasons not to see people. This month has reminded me how important it is to follow through with plans and make an effort to spend time with the people in my life. I regret the amount of time I’ve spent in the last year avoiding social outings and missing parties. I need to be better. To do better.

I want my nephews to know who I am. I want to make more memories with my grandparents. I want to spend time with my amazing husband and spend hours hanging out with him. I want to bond with my brother-in-law so he remembers how fucking awesome I am after he eventually moves out. 🙂
I want the people in my life to know how important they are to me before they’re gone. I don’t want to be anti-social and sleeping all the time because my schedule is so wacked out. I need to be better at flipping my schedule on my off days so my mental health improves. I don’t think I’ve had one suicidal/majorly depressive thought in the last month which is fucking impressive for me.

This last month has been a blessing. This is my personal reminder to put forth the effort into my relationships and to remember how lucky I am to have my friends and family. Also to see the fucking sun… low vitamin D levels aren’t a joking matter (thanks mom).

Tomorrow I go back to work… and it will continue to be okay.

-Hal

by Categories: My ThoughtsTags:

Despondent

While your despondent eyes 
were cast downward, 
I glanced at you as you held my hand. 
 
Solemnly you watched as your pale finger rhythmically rubbed the soft skin 
alongside the base of my thumb. 

Your gaunt stare immediately 
imprinted itself into my mind, 
haunting me as a witness 
to pure hopelessness. 

We sat there together if only for a moment... 

My words stifled. 

Your silence deafening.
by Categories: My PoetryTags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

Ignorance

When you learn a new word, 
suddenly it's everywhere. 

You see it appearing on signs 
around your all too familiar town... 
You hear it echoing from a stranger's 
mouth in another room... 
You suddenly notice it blatantly staring 
back at you from the pages in a book 
you've read five times before... 

But it's not coincidental. 

It's simply the ignorance 
to what you've always overlooked 
beginning to fade away.
by Categories: My PoetryTags: , , , , 6 Comments

Friendships…

So… I have always put in way too much of an effort to keep a dead or fading relationship going. Over the years I’ve had quite a few friendships become one sided (where I slowly become the only one making any effort to make plans or communicate). Up until about a year ago I would do anything to keep someone in my life, but now I feel the complete opposite.

I’m at the point in my life that when I notice a relationship start to become dependent on me keeping it alive… I’m just over it. I refuse to beg to be a part of someone’s life or future (no matter the amount of great memories we’ve shared in the past). I get that people and situations change (I’m not ignorant), but if I’ve ever meant as much to someone as they’ve told me I do, I wouldn’t be the only one repeatedly trying to salvage friendships (especially friendships that have no apparent reason to be preserved besides my own personal nostalgias). My self worth and time is simply more important than that.

History is called history for a reason right?

I definitely have made my own mistakes in friendships and I am nowhere near a perfect friend, but I do deserve relationships that have an equal amount of effort being put into it. So if someone doesn’t want to put in any effort or is putting in the most minimal effort… I’m peacing. I have one life and I’m not wasting it trying to keep others around.

If I could give anyone reading this advice… Do not waste your precious time keeping relationships alive if you’re the only one trying. Just fucking leave. (Gracefully though, don’t be an asshole about it).

We all deserve to be in that Myspace top ten. 🫡

-Hal

Btw… I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. Every day we should be telling people we love them.

Happy Valentine’s Day though 😊🖤

by Categories: My ThoughtsTags: , , , , , , , , , , 22 Comments